I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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