Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
