The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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