Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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