Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
