I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
