i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
