zippers are such a cool invention
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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