I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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