Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
