Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
