I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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