I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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