a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
