Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
third nipple confirmed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
