He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
