There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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