You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
