I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
