I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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