i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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