So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
