Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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