it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i out mim tonsoeep
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
