i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
