I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
