She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
