He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
