it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
