omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
