Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
