My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
