My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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