I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
