explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
