I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
