my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
