I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
