Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
