did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
