So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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