yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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