I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
