peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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