That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
