I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
