the condom got lost in my hair
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
