"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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