I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
