he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
