just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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