Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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