i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Randomize
