***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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