Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
