I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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