Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
