So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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