why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
