My sheets look like a crime scene.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
