im about as happy as oj after his trial
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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